My Chrismukah: Joyous and Complicated

Christmas is just around corner. And so is Hanukkah. This means that in our household, my husband and I, our four year-old Princess and 22 month old girl, Blue Eyes, will celebrate with lighting the menorah, latkes and jelly-filled donuts one night (or eight), and receive a few presents from his family (mainly because of me), and on Christmas Eve, together with my parents and a few aunts and uncles, we will celebrate with a feast, tons of presents and Christmas carols late through the night till Christmas morning. And I will wonder, is this the last year that my Princess will enjoy every ritual, every celebration and get-together without asking the hard questions?

Christmas is my favourite holiday. And Christmas time has become even more special ever since I’ve had children. Last year, Princess, who was over three at the time, helped me decorate the tree for the first time. There were quite a few broken ball ornaments but it was still fun. (Note to self: Buy shatterproof ornaments this year). Recently, Princess, without my prompting, asked me when we could start decorating the tree together. This made me all warm and fuzzy all over and pretty excited more than ever to put out the tree early. However, we haven’t really talked about why there is a tree. I may have pointed out the baby Jesus in my mom’s nativity set, but she doesn’t yet realize the significance. I bought her a Children’s Bible. Is that a good start?

Last year, my Princess also lighted the menorah by herself for the first time. This was a special moment for me but more so for my husband and an absolute thrill for my in-laws, her Saba and Safta. This year, I want Daddy and I to tell her the story of the Maccabees. The challenge will be to tell a story that she can comprehend.

My daughter goes to Sunday Hebrew school, albeit with a secular curriculum. Will she one day ask if it’s ok to have a Christmas tree?

We are not just a mixed or intercultural family; we are an “inter-faith” family. Filipino and Israeli; Roman Catholic and Jewish. Neither my husband or myself are particularly religious but we celebrate our holidays. There are no issues now but can we expect a few down the road? Do we need to label our children? Jewish? I didn't convert so technically, she's not. Half-Jewish? Humanist? How about just a “good human being”? Does it have to be complicated?

My Jewish friend who is married to an Italian Catholic said, “My children are “spiritual”, less specific.” He says his family celebrates Christmas and Hanukkah in unison.

The questions will come. But for now, I think I’ll enjoy the tree decorating, menorah lighting, cookie baking, and the purity of my children’s happiness and enjoyment of the simple things.

Are you part of an interfaith family? What kinds of choices did you make?

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This post is also a Today's Parent submission to their blogging challenge. I hope they also like the following:

• Daycare or Nanny? Daycare or Nanny? Daycare or...
• Painfully waiting, waiting...
  
• A Princess Tea Party for My Princess

Daycare or nanny? Daycare or nanny? Daycare or...

Like most new moms, my husband and I debated whether to place my child in daycare or hire a nanny once I returned to work (when Naomi turned a year). We didn’t really start thinking about it until Naomi was about six months. We considered the pros and cons of both options, and eventually, decided to put Naomi in daycare.
Immediately after making the decision, we visited many, many daycares, and interviewed their staff until we found one that met our expectations.

For the first four months after I returned to work, Naomi was part-time at daycare, and part-time with my mother-in-law. We were lucky that we had family who wasn’t working and was willing to take care of Naomi (in fact, she volunteered!). Today, at 17 months, Naomi is in a daycare full-time, well cared for and enjoying herself.

Frankly, choosing daycare over having a nanny wasn’t all that difficult for us. Yes, we did think seriously about each option, but it was more difficult finding and deciding on which daycare to out our child in was the hard part. The following were my lists of pros and cons, which we considered during the nanny/daycare decision process.

NANNY (PROS):

• Dedicated one-on-one attention
• No need to wake baby up at an ungodly hour every morning
• No rushing to drop-off baby
• No rushing to pick up baby (and get stressed in traffic). Did you know that daycare fines for being late are $1.00 a minute?!
• Baby is in a comfortable and familiar environment from the beginning. Less transitioning needed.
• Extra help with caring for baby (ahhh.... maybe we can eat dinner in peace)
• Visions of a super tidy house and dinner waiting came to mind. (Of course there's no guarantee nanny will do all that.)

NANNY (CONS):

• Potentially quite expensive (“potentially” because the fees of certain daycares are shockingly expensive too)
• Would require us finishing the basement of our home (sounds like a lot of money and work but we were prepared for this option)
• Not enough social interaction - this is a really big deal to me
• No stimulating activities (Maybe Nanny will be boring and Naomi will end up watching T.V. all day.)
• Nanny could be serial killer (I get really paranoid when it comes to my child!)
• But seriously, how do I know if the nanny is hurting or being mean to my child?? I don’t want to have to put nanny cams everywhere. And do I really want to live like that where I can’t trust my caregiver? This was a drawback I couldn’t get over.

DAYCARE (CONS)

• Well, opposite of all of the above pros for the Nanny option. Also:
• People tell me kids in daycare get sick more often (unfortunately, for the first 2 months, this was true)
• Potential neglect due to lack of staff (The daycare we eventually decided on bragged about always having extra staff. And you know what, it seemed Naomi got extra attention on the days she needed it.)

DAYCARE (PROS)

• Lots of fun activities including circle time with songs and reading, arts and crafts (yes, they do it for infants), indoor and outdoor play, and various other programs
• Will learn to be more independent and become comfortable with another caregiver other than mommy (At the time, I really, really hoped this would be true.☺)
• Social interaction with other kids. It drives me crazy when people tell me that young children (under two or three) don’t need to interact with other children. Okay, so a child may turn out “ok” being alone at home but believe me, children do benefit from playing and being around other kids their own age! It would take another blog post for me to list all the benefits (maybe another time) but don’t take my word for it—do your research.

Naomi has learned from other children by trying to imitate what they do. It has motivated her for example, to try and stand/walk sooner rather than later. I do know that Naomi loves being around other children. I’m sure this could be partly genetic (being a social creature) but it’s also because in her first year, I took her to my mommy and baby get-togethers, classes, arranged frequent playdates, and I just always tried to find opportunities to have her be around other kids.

Hence, my fear was that if I left Naomi with a nanny, she would miss the social interaction, perhaps get used to it, and become one of those kids that get overwhelmed when around other children. As well, I wanted her to benefit from children’s activities in the same way she did when I took her to music and play classes.

But my biggest fear is not knowing how my child is truly being treated by the nanny. Until my child can speak and tell me what goes on, I will never be comfortable leaving her alone with one person who is not family. And this is the same reason, we decided against home daycare. I’ve heard too many horror stories of overcrowding and children being abused in private homes.

I know there are good nannies; I know there are good home daycares. In the end, it’s really what you’re comfortable with, and you do what you believe is best for your child.

What about that list of disadvantages for daycare?

• Well… it is a bit hectic in the mornings. But Isak (my husband) has flexible hours so he doesn’t have to be at work by 9am sharp. Not even 10am, actually.
• Naomi is not woken up at an ungodly hour— she wakes us up earlier than we would like ☺.
• Yes, transitioning week was hell. I cried. But we all got through it.
• I don’t have to kill myself trying to make it home by 6pm because mom-in-law picks up Naomi between 4 and 5pm (HUGE help).

And what about visions of a super-tidy house? Well, that still remains just a vision.

All's Well that Ends Well

Sarah is normal and doesn't need a brace, or any contraption or adjustment for that matter. WOW. Isn't that just the best news ever!

The day came when we had to go to Sick Kids Hospital so Sarah could get an ultrasound (her second; the first being at Branson Hospital), and to get her fitted for... something-- a brace or harness, we weren't sure yet.

Multiple line-ups and several waiting rooms later, the specialist came to see her. He examined her and gave us the verdict. Based on the test results and their scoring system (which wasn't explained but what else is new), she is "just normal". I may have even heard "borderline normal". But who cares? Normal means no torture device on her. It means life can go on and I don't have to worry about her hip development.

Now, because hip dysplasia runs in my husband's family, we will have to go back and get Sarah checked when she turns six months.

This sudden and unexpected good news is almost miraculous from my perspective. I didn't even know there was going to be a second and more conclusive opinion from THE specialist. So happy!

It's a big deal because she's mine

I hate hospitals. Any type of medical clinic, actually. And I hate waiting. On the Friday when we had to take Sarah for her ultrasound, I packed water, reading material, and everything that else that I thought would help me endure a long waiting period. Because from my experience, hospital appointments and long waits are pretty much synonymous. Well, on that Friday, there must have been a glitch in the universe because Isak, Sarah, and I were in and out in less than an hour! Yeap, from the time we got to the parking lot,  registered, waited, got called to the ultrasound room, to the time we had the procedure done, and back out. Under an hour. Unreal. If we could get that lucky, it must be a sign of good news to come.

Unfortunately, the doctor (when we finally saw him again) gave us the bad news that Sarah does have a dislocated hip. We don't know much. But we were told that she's not in pain. She'll have to be fitted for an orthopedic brace that will keep her thighs and hips in a position to fix the problem. There will be no long-term problems because the defect was caught before she turned one year old.

I am crushed by this news. I am sick with worry. I haven't done much research online (yet) because I know I will find more stories about complications than success stories. It's just how it is.

Isak consoles me. He tells me it's not that bad. It's not a heart problem. It's not a permanent defect. It's not a big deal.

Not a big deal?! It's a HUGE deal. Doctors never tell you everything. And we don't exactly know the extent of the dislocation. How do we know the brace will work? Will there really be no long-term problem? It's no cancer but it's not 'nothing'. And sometimes 'nothing' turns into something. It's a big deal because she's MY baby and life should be perfect.

SIGH...

So, now, we wait again. We are waiting for a call from Sick Kids Hospital so Sarah can get her brace, and hopefully, more clarity into the situation, more answers.

A Princess Tea Party for My Princess

When I discovered that the Town of Richmond Hill was holding a "Princess Tea Party" event for children, I knew I had to take Naomi. If you had a girly-girl who loves dressing up, wouldn't you, especially after seeing this?

(click to enlarge)

I think it's there should be more community family-friendly events like this one. Apparently, the Town held the first Princess Tea Party last year, and it was such a hit that they decided to hold it again this year. Well, of course it's popular. It's reasonably priced excellent entertainment for your little ones, and it's good for toddlers too as the event lasts only an hour.

The lady on the phone from whom I purchased the tickets told me to encourage my daughter to dress up. And good thing she did! It almost didn't occur to me and although I would have put her in nice but fairly casual clothes. I bought Naomi a really pretty dress that had a full skirt-- a real special occasion outfit. Oh, boy, did she ever get excited when I showed it to her on the day of the party.

Overall, I thought the event was good. It started with "tea".  Tea sandwiches (not that great but oh, well). Ham and cheese, jam, tuna (?!)... Cookies of course (tasted of the boxed kind). Juice (too sweet). And caffeinated tea for the adults. Well, only the adults would eat the sandwiches, so there.

The tables were set in various pink colours. There were shiny paper crowns and stickers. Really lovely. Very inviting. Balloons and good decorations in the room.

Shortly after tea, Princess Ariel, Snow White and Cinderella made their grand entrance. Each one sang a song and interacted with the audience. Then, they came around to speak to the little girls. This was your chance to have photos taken with them.

Then came the autograph session. LOL! The little ones lined up to get a piece of colouring sheet and them have these signed by each of the princesses who sat at a table.

After autographs, it was time for the final photo opportunity. Little ones lined up once again to get their pictures taken with all three princesses under a decorated arch.

All throughout, many of the little girls (mine was one of the first ones) ran around, danced, and just had a grand time. And there you have it, a memorable princess tea party.

Painfully waiting, waiting...

"She may have a dislocated hip..." That's what the pediatrician said about my 7 week old baby girl. "May have"... Hearing those words is sometimes worse than knowing for sure, isn't it? I want to know for a fact. I want reasons, concrete why's and how's. I want to be sure.

Because the doctor is not certain, my baby has to undergo an ultrasound, and we wait to get that appointment. Then we wait to have those results sent to the doctor. Then, we count the days (four, apparently) till we can call the doctor to see him so he can tell us the good or bad news. Much waiting. Much anxiety.

My pregnancy was about waiting, and constant anxiety. Stressful, especially during the last few weeks.

"There's a chance your baby could have Down syndrome." Huh. Well, I needed to know. So we opted to get the amnio done.

"It will take 6 weeks to get the results." Aaaaarrrgh!

"Well, you can pay $175 to get partial (but definitive) results in two days."  It was either pay up or be totally distracted and unable to focus for six weeks. My husband and I paid. We received good news after two days.

Then, "You have low PAPP-A," they said. They got this from the same IPS test? Damn test.

It could mean nothing, they said. Okay... And I wait for the "but".

"But low PAPP-A has been associated with a poorly functioning placenta... and baby is unable to get its nutrients...We need to do... (more acronyms that refer to more tests)."

There could be worse things. But the experience is taxing just the same.
Test, after test, after test. Waiting in hospitals. Waiting for results. Hoping, praying.

"Everything seems fine... but let's send you for (more tests) just in case." I can't bear it. Just tell me!!!

Wait for the next test. They never found anything wrong with my placenta, or with the baby. But till the very end, it was a case of endless uncertainty about Baby's condition.

"It's time to check out. We need to induce you."

"No." I wanted to go into spontaneous labour.

"Well, baby did not grow enough. It's possible your baby is fine." Here comes the 'but'.  I could feel it.

"But you could have a dead baby." There it was.

The doctor explained that there was a lot they didn't know about low-PAPP-A. What they do know is that the condition has been associated with babies dying suddenly and unexpectedly in the womb as well as still-births.  

The day before I was to be induced, I was subjected to a non-stress test (which is really, quite stressful, in my opinion).

"Hmmm... I'm not happy with the tracing," the doctor on call says. "We'll need to keep you overnight. We'll have to (more stressful non-stress testing) and then we'll wait and see..."

NO! NO! NO! No more waiting, and seeing-- please!!!

I stayed overnight in the hospital where I was monitored continuously.

Baby Sarah was born a perfect, healthy baby the next day. You can see my announcement and a picture of her a few blog posts back. 

But now, just as I was getting used to a relatively normal, medical-test free life, I am once again, waiting, hoping. Her hip clicked, the doctor thought. But it could be nothing. And there could be worse things. We'll have to wait and see.

Nursing Room Ickiness

The other day, I was at Toys R Us in Richmond Hill and needed to use the nursing room. So in I went and nursed Sarah but OMG, the whole time, I was afraid to touch anything.

The room was dark, cramped and dirty. There were no visible dust bunnies on the floor, the toilet was relatively clean... but you could tell... and feel that the room was filthy. The walls were stained, smears of something here and there; picture frames were smudged, the sink was well, I was afraid to look. The cushions on the one and only rocking chair had brown stains everywhere. What killed me was that this chair had a broken arm, the broken piece left on the floor. And the broken part of the chair had splinters sticking out of the broken arm rest just waiting to hurt some poor nursing mom (like myself) if she wasn't careful.

After a few minutes, I rushed out of there, prematurely ending poor baby's feeding session.  Sure enough, several minutes later, Sarah cried for milk, and this time, I found the area where the rocking chairs were displayed, plopped myself down on a chair and nursed-- comfortably. Much better.  I was hoping a staff member would come up and inform me that there was a nursing room just so I could complain but no one said anything and that was just fine. I think I'll be writing a letter to "customer service" or someone sometime.

I haven't been to any other ToysRUs nursing rooms but I sure hope those are not like what I visited.

Today, I was at the Hillcrest Mall. I didn't need to nurse but went into the "Nursing Lounge" to check it out. Bright lights, very clean; three clean stain-free, solid chairs (in perfect condition). And the changing table is not one on which you'd be afraid to change your child.

Yorkdale Mall apparently has lovely nursing rooms, and more than one! I've heard good things about the nursing rooms in Vaughn Mills as well though I've never been in them. If I'm in a mall, I just tend to find a quiet area to breastfeed.

Here's a blog where people have posted information on nursing rooms in different states and provinces. Great resource. http://nursingrooms.wordpress.com/

If you know of a good or bad nursing room, tell me about it.